i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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