Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
