dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
