i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Bring me that man meat
Two words: blizzard sex
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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