Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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