very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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