Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
