Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
