I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
