Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
