I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
