Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
