Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
