Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
