Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
