THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
