I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
