I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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