discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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