U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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