Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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