at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
