My first STD was from a foam party
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
