I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
