whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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