i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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