don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
