I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
