He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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