Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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