True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
