Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
