It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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