i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
