Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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