too bad you live with your parents still
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
