bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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