Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
