My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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