That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
