one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize