he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
