I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
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Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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