Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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