Her vagina should come with caution tape.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am naked and annoyed.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
