i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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