where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
