Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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