i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
