Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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