i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
