Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I enjoy the company of your penis
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
