I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
