so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
