i need an iv and a liver transplant
Quick, to the slutcave!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
