your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
