What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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