The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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