are you still at the devil's house?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
