Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
