I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
