You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
