So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
