Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
