I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
