My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
